It is now a few weeks hence and I have experienced many mixed emotions as I come to learn more about what this all means for him, for me and for our family.
I remember when I was pregnant with extreme morning sickness, waking each day to the unending realization that "I was still pregnant". Some how it is familiar to wake every morning now to be reminded that he still has cancer. I feel like it is not just him that has it but that our whole family has it. His doctor says it will never go away, that he has to live with it forever and that they will simply "watch and wait".
I feel helpless. Can't he simply change his thinking, exercise a little more, lose a little weight, eat more veggies and "lick it"? Obviously it is so much up to him to fight for his health but while the feelings I feel have run the gamut from sadness, fear and compassion to despair, anger and finally I turned to all my tried and true positive thinking techniques. While he may not be able to change the reality I can surely try!
I pulled out and dusted off, "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale. He says to believe in yourself, to meditate and pray, to create a peaceful mind, to stop being angry, to stop worrying and to start believing that what you have faith in will absolutely come to pass. His techniques are simple and his stories filled with hope and success.
I have written about the power of your mind and the importance of visualizing only good and happy things but never before have I been so vigilant. From now on my thoughts, dreams and prayers are forever positive and I will believe with out any limitations nor doubt at all that I CAN affect my life by thinking differently and turn it right around.