The Power beneath us
Pelvic floor muscles as seen from the perineal surface. Adapted from Thompson P.
Most people don’t think about their pelvic floor until something goes wrong; like a little leaking when they sneeze, or noticing a shift in sensation during intimacy, or feeling a strange heaviness when walking or standing. It is one of those quietly heroic parts of our body, working tirelessly behind the scenes to support us every single day and yet, it is so often overlooked and ignored.
Your pelvic floor is essentially a hammock of muscles that stretches across the base of your pelvis, holding everything up including your bladder, your bowels, and for women, your uterus. When it’s strong and responsive, you feel supported from your very core but when it weakens, the effects become obvious and ripple through your entire body.
I remember one of my first annual gynological exams after menopause. My doctor, a woman about my age, looked at me kindly but firmly and said, “Just so you’re not surprised, your orgasms will never be as magical as they were in your youth.” She said it so matter-of-factly, as if it were a biological certainty; a checkbox of loss that she quietly asked me to accept along with my sagging skin and graying hair. I was flabbergasted; not offended exactly, but shocked. Had no one told her? Had she not discovered?
What I had come to learn, through direct, embodied experience, is that she was wrong. In fact, the opposite is true. My orgasms became deeper, more connected, and more whole-body than they had ever been in my twenties or thirties and I credit this not to some rare hormonal miracle, but to something entirely accessible: my very strong pelvic floor as a result of a regular daily reformer practice.
It is on the reformer that I began to understand how to truly connect to my deep core. When I say core, I don’t mean just the abs that make you look good in clothes, I mean the famous Pilates’ “girdle of strength”; the intelligent sling of muscles that includes your pelvic floor. This is the place where vitality lives, not just postural strength, but pleasure, stability, balance and a deep rooted joy.
Age and gravity have a lot to do with why the pelvic floor weakens. Just as our skin loses elasticity and our joints get a little creaky, these deep inner muscles can lose tone over time. For women, childbirth plays a major role. The weight of carrying a baby and the effort of delivery stretches and stresses these deep pelvic muscles. For men, too, aging brings shifts in muscle tone and hormone levels that affect pelvic strength. Add in chronic coughing, constipation, heavy lifting, even prolonged sitting and suddenly this vital muscular network is no longer holding things together as it once did.
The good news is we can strengthen it. We can tune in and train it gently, mindfully and consistently to perform its balancing role.
The classic way is through Kegels. If you’ve ever been told to “stop the flow of urine midstream,” you have experienced your pelvic floor at work. Beyond Kegeling, the reformer offers something far more integrated and effective. Because it works your body from the inside out, regular use will encourage deep subtle control rather than the brute strength focus of traditional fitness. When performing Pilates most people intuitively add resistance so they can focus on the larger muscles pushing the platform out, but it is the return, the bringing of the platform home that reveals the real story. Returning the platform engages deeper abdominal muscles and your pelvic floor so lessening the resistance is when the magic happens. Here is the not so obvious secret: if you lighten the resistance on most exercises, your pelvic floor has no choice but to engage. Without heavy cords doing the work for you, you are forced to recruit those deep stabilizers to control the movement. The lighter the weight, the more you must draw in from the center. It is a whisper of effort, not a shout and that’s what builds true inner strength!
Movements like Footwork with a neutral pelvis, Pelvic lifts, Bridging with the feet on the bar, Knee stretches, Elephant, Jumping or even the Hundred all invite the pelvic floor to participate when the resistance is lighter.
One of my favorite cues is to imagine drawing your sit bones toward each other when you exhale. It is not a clench but rather like gathering silk at the center. It is subtle, but over time, that internal lift becomes a source of grounding, of control and of pleasure.
We don’t have to accept weakening and fading as our fate and whether you are in your twenties or your seventies, this part of your body responds to loving attention. Try each exercise on the reformer with less tension and notice what happens. You will feel taller, more supported, more alive and yes, more radiant and receptive in your sensual life too.
Let this be our quiet revolution; a reminder that our power doesn’t vanish with age but can transform, deepen and improve.
written by Marjolein Brugman
Marjolein Brugman is the founder of lighterliving and Aeropilates. “lighterliving is a movement and lifestyle choice we can all make. Let’s make it simple – make one decision a day to be better and watch the small steps lead to big changes. Eat smart, stay active, and you’ll live to feel a lighter life."
